


Drop

by Louffox



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Eldarion Deserved Better, Planar Travel, Rome is the worst, SO SAD, Self-Sacrifice, Spoilers, and now this, and this is the terrible icing on top, episode 125 spoilers, everything is sad, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2020-01-11 02:08:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18420648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Louffox/pseuds/Louffox
Summary: She knew it was what she deserved.





	Drop

**Author's Note:**

> this latest episode kicked me right in the teeth and I am a broken woman. Slow clap for Alex, you wicked savage thing, you.
> 
> I wrote this entire thing on my phone with swype keyboard in like ten minutes, immediately after listening to the new episode yesterday. I am sad. This is sad. everything hurts.

She knew it was what she deserved.

 

They would never make it. Hamid, Grizzop, Azu, the child halfling, the other goblin captive, the orc brother, Gusset, and Sasha.

 

Oh, Sasha. If only that heart wasn't so steel and loyal, if only she could've stayed home, stayed safe-

 

But then she wouldn't really be Sasha, would she?

 

There were so many of them. And they all were so important and  _ loved _ . They were family.

 

Eldarion was not family.

 

_ “Get out of here-,” _

_ “You will not kick me out of your room-” _

_ “It's not my room, it's YOURS, like this whole house, like these stupid bloody clothes and stupid shoes and heavy jewels, I don't even WANT them, they're- they're bloody MANACLES, ‘s what they are, I don't want them! I'm not your pet, I'm not your thing, I don't want to be here, I hate being here, being trapped here, and I HATE YOU!” _

 

Eldarion was not loved.

 

But they all were, so she would make sure that survived. It had to.  _ They _ had to. She would not let anyone be trapped ever again.

 

She would never let Sasha be trapped again. She had watched her beat her fists against the glass, a trapped moth, searching for air and light and life, for too long. Sasha was a creature of motion and flight, and this heavy, groaning, smoking world would snuff her out. Eldarion would die for her to carry on.

 

So she did.

 

The moment her single prestidigitation failed so spectacularly, she knew. The knowledge came in small assertions, like several blows. The first understanding of it, she felt like crying out,  _ I can't, I won't, _ an instinctual living creature sense, a refusal of the concept of simply ceasing being. She was a being. She could  _ not _ cease to be.

 

The knowledge asserted itself. She felt fear and sadness now, that the rejection was rejected. She would cease to be. But… no! Please, please, she had so much to do, and to see, she didn't want to end. Her heart was so empty and full of sloshing, hollow spaces, a lifetime ahead of her that hadn't yet been filled in. Don't take it away, please, please…

 

Again, she knew. And this was a visceral sense of the bott dropping out, a deep gnawing horror and helplessness-

 

She knew. She wasn't helpless. She could help. She could do nothing- but she could do this.

 

It was all so fast. For that, she was almost grateful. It didn't give her a chance to really process it. A sort of shock had overtaken her, making everything too fast, distant, numb. Running, fleeing, staying together, searching and shouting. Then it was time.

 

_ It's too soon! _ a distant part of her cried.

 

_ It's time to fix this. It's been too long _ , another part answered. The guilt and pain and hate was finally coming to and end, and that was okay, she supposed. It meant she would end too, but… but that was okay.

 

Sasha wouldn't end.

 

With that on her heart, the notion inflexible and sure, a rule of the universe, certain as gravity and magic and math. A law. Sasha wouldn't end.

 

She grabbed their hands, and felt them all link. It was time. Her whole life was behind her, and nothing was ahead of her, and this was the culmination of it all.

 

She reached through the realities and rent it all open.

 

She  _ screamed _ .

 

It hurt, it struggled, it was hard and she  _ pushed _ , tearing open the planes, tearing it all down, shoving open the pathway. Her hands spasmed, her teeth snapped together, her lungs spilled forth air and she screamed and tore and screamed. The worlds would bend to her. They would break to her. Eldarion ripped it all open, for Sasha. She slammed her power and everything she had into that one purpose. Sasha wouldn't end.

 

But she would.

 

And then it was easy. Forcing the magic, forcing her body. She gave it her all, and it was so very easy- because she had nothing to hold back, nothing to hold onto. She knew there would be nothing after this. She took everything she had and she put it into this moment.

 

And then it was done.

 

She stepped back, feeling the blowback coming for her. But that was alright, it was done. She closed the hands of those she held, sealing the circle, and the reality before them tore even as the reality under her yawned wide to accept her.

 

She fixed her eyes on Sasha. The tears made everything blurry-clear, and Sasha was there, sharp and crystallized and steel. Even as her heart felt like it was rending as well, it was full of joy. Maybe she had finally done her right. Sasha wouldn't end.

 

And she would be free.

 

It wouldn't make up for what she had done. It wouldn't gain her forgiveness. It was too late for that. But it was something. It was all she could do.

 

Eldarion let herself fall.


End file.
